So here I am recovering from my daughter's harrowing ice skating party when I come to find out that Meredith Viera - Role Mommy of all time - can't skate either. Click Here to see what happened to her while she was interviewing Will Ferrell about his new ice skating movie. Honestly, after seeing that, I'd be curious to find out how many people have been injured this year while ice skating - between all the spills at my party, plus the kids I see slamming into the ice on a regular basis, something tells me the injuries must be staggering. I think it's time we start enforcing ice skating safety rules...helmets are a must - this is a serious sport and if you can't skate - well you shouldn't take any chances - with your safety, or your child's. Okay...I'm off my soap box.
Since our two week trip to Spain last month, Benny has decided he?s fluent in Spanish. Between the occasional recognizable words like ?Ola,? ?Adios,? ?Si,? and ?Non,? his ?Spanish? goes something like ?chakka lakka, biokka, schniakka, hebakka, triakka.? Benny is very proud of his new language and even has a little ?Spanish? song which he likes to sing while jumping, his blonde locks flying and his arms flailing, on our bed. The song, I think, is entitled, ?Chakka Lakka ketchup, chikka lakka ketchup.? (The insertion of the word ketchup into the song, I can only think, is due to high quantity of fries and ketchup he ate while in Spain ? indeed, fries and ketchup were the only thing he would eat while in Spain)
Of course, for a doting parent, Benny?s new linguistic abilities are most endearing. I find nothing more amusing, in fact, than conducting a conversation with Benny in his newly acquired language.
Me: ?Chikka splaka??
Benny: ?Smakka criakka.?
Me. ?Biukka, mischnukka, triakka.?
Benny: ?Priakka, hyuuka.?
Me: ?Non??
Benny: fit of giggles
Me: fit of giggles
All such conversations are coupled with animated hand gestures and excited nods of the head or rolling of the eyes. It is very amusing.
It is not so amusing, however, when Benny?s new language leaves the safety of our apartment and strays out into the world. I discovered this yesterday while walking with Benny through Chinatown (just a couple of blocks from us). Benny was in the middle of climbing into his stroller ? walking 3 small blocks had really taken it out of him?! ? and an old Chinese-American lady stopped to watch him. She smiled and clucked and waved toward Benny saying something neither of us could understand. Benny looked up at the kind old lady and was silent for a few beats. Then with a grin, he said, ?Chakka lakka schniakka.? I immediately blushed. Did the woman think that Benny was doing some mocking rendition of her mother-tongue?
Thankfully, the woman just smiled and nodded and then carried on her way. Meanwhile, I whisked off in the other direction wondering how I will explain to Benny that his ?Spanish? might be something we only speak at home from now on.
For more of Joanne Rendell's mommy blogs - including "Fishing for Poo," "Should Mommy's Wear Thongs?" and "What's that dangly thing between his legs?" then Click Here to visit her at the popular website, Get Crafty or to visit her brand new author blog (since she just got a book deal!) Click Here. To return to the Role Mommy home page, Click Here.
I bought three books today at Borders, and I usually give my picks the five minute rule. If they don't keep me engaged in five minutes or less, well, then they're not worth my time. Well, I'm happy to report that In An Instant, the new book by Lee & Bob Woodruff, not only had me at five minutes, they had me at the very first page.
In what has become one of the most surreal moments of her life, Lee Woodruff, a contributing editor to Family Fun magazine and mother of four shares how she found out her husband, who had just been named co-anchor for ABC World News Tonight, had been severely injured while on assignment in Iraq. While she had taken her children with her to Disney World to shoot a pilot for Family Fun, her entire world was turned upside down when she received a call from David Westin at ABC News telling her that Bob had been hit by shrapnel and had suffered a brain injury.
While I've only just begun reading this book, I know I'm not going to be able to put this one down. Lee Woodruff is an incredibly gifted writer whose description of the events that transformed her picture perfect life, had me riveted fom the start.
Since I've just begun reading the book, for more details, here's an excerpt from Amazon.com:
In one of the most anticipated books of the year, Lee Woodruff, along with her husband, Bob Woodruff, share their never-before-told story of romance, resilience, and survival following the tragedy that transformed their lives and gripped a nation.
In January 2006, the Woodruffs seemed to have it all?a happy marriage and four beautiful children. Lee was a public relations executive and Bob had just been named co-anchor of ABC?s World News Tonight. Then, while Bob was embedded with the military in Iraq, an improvised explosive device went off near the tank he was riding in. He and his cameraman, Doug Vogt, were hit, and Bob suffered a traumatic brain injury that nearly killed him.In an Instant is the frank and compelling account of how Bob and Lee?s lives came together, were blown apart, and then were miraculously put together again?and how they persevered, with grit but also with humor, through intense trauma and fear. Here are Lee?s heartfelt memories of their courtship, their travels as Bob left a law practice behind and pursued his news career and Lee her freelance business, the glorious births of her children and the challenges of motherhood.
Bob in turn recalls the moment he caught the journalism ?bug? while covering Tiananmen Square for CBS News, his love of overseas assignments and his guilt about long separations from his family, and his pride at attaining the brass ring of television news?being chosen to fill the seat of the late Peter Jennings.And, for the first time, the Woodruffs reveal the agonizing details of Bob?s terrible injuries and his remarkable recovery.
We learn that Bob?s return home was not an end to the journey but the first step into a future they have learned not to fear but to be grateful for.In an Instant is much more than the dual memoir of love and courage. It is an important, wise, and inspiring guide to coping with tragedy?and an extraordinary drama of marriage, family, war, and nation.
A percentage of the proceeds from this book will be donated to the Bob Woodruff Family Fund for Traumatic Brain Injury.
Here's the story,
Of a lonely lady,
Who was bringing up three very ugly girls,
All of them liked to wear gold,
Like their mother,
The youngest one had curls,
More to come...
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It happened. I'm officially boycotting my local bagel store - which means I'm going to have to travel an extra mile out of my way for a cinniman raisin bagel button - just so I can stick to my guns and stand up for what's right. Now what would prompt me to do such a thing, you ask? Simple, poor customer service. You see, this is the second time I've had an altercation at the bagel store. The place was taken over by new owners last year and ever since then, the food has been shoddy, the service, brusque and the drinks...well, I'll fill you in on that one in a minute...
The first problem started when I forgot my wallet one day and told the bagel lady I'd be back soon to pay them for the bagel and coffee I had purchased. It took me a little bit longer than I expected to head back to the store and so the woman started calling me at home so that I drop off the $5 I owed her. As soon as she left the first message, I went back to the store and paid my money. But she kept calling. Seems whoever I gave the money to didn't tell her so she kept harrassing me to pay her back. When I finally got her on the phone and explained I already paid them back, she relented. Thoroughly annoyed, I stayed away from the bagel place for at least one month and then started going back a few weeks ago. But yesterday, forced me right back into boycott mode.
You see, after ordering bagels, two coffees (with pretty shoddy lids) and then two wadda juices from the refrigerator, I gathered up my items and brought them to my family, who were sitting in the car waiting for their food. But when my daughter opened her wadda juice (a container that doesn't spill and is a mixture of juice and water), she took one sip and spit it out because it tasted sour - when my husband and I sampled it, she was right - it was pretty rancid. So I grabbed the two juice containers and went inside expecting to be able to make a switch but that didn't happen. When I told the man behind the counter about the bad juice, he proceeded to tell me that I was mistaken, in fact, he said "You are wrong - we just got the juice yesterday." Oh really - is that what they told those pet owners who bought the tainted pet food that killed their animals? It's your fault, not mine. I was so mad, I took the juice and slammed it into the garbage can. Then got back in the car and told my husband what happened. He of course, jumped out of the car and went back inside and of course, got me my money back.
So even though we got a refund, we're still boycotting - I don't need to be harrassed or told that I'm wrong about tainted juice to know that I'm not welcome at the bagel place anymore!
So it's the day after my daughter's eighth birthday party. This year there were no party entertainers, no petting zoos, no circuses in the backyard...just a down and dirty party at the ice skating rink...with 25 kids whose parents dropped them off so they could run errands. In hindsight, it was actually a pretty scary proposition - 25 kids on the ice - many of whom didn't know how to skate. As I finished setting the table near the rink and got the veggie and fruit platter ready for consumption, one of my daughter's friends stopped by to tell me that even though her mom had told her to wear her helmet, she really could skate so would it be okay to leave the helmet on the sidelines. Stupidly, I said sure - but I told her I'd be watching and if I thought she needed the helmet, back it would go on her head.
As more guests continued to file in and I finally strapped on my skates, one of the kids came racing out to tell me that the little girl who told me she didn't want to wear a helmet had just fallen...and hit her head. Yikes! I raced out on the rink, helped her off the ice and proceeded to sit with her for the next 15 minutes as she held a bag of ice against her head and wept quietly. When she was ready to go back on the ice, I told her to strap on her helmet and not take it off for the rest of the party (except while she was eating of course).
Another 15 minutes went by and of course, another emergency. One of my daughter's other friends - whose dad had left to hit a few rounds of golf, had fallen flat on her back. She cried for about 5 minutes straight, we took her to the EMT and after she was checked out, she was given a clean bill of health to go back to the party and skate. Luckily, this was a minor injury so the partying continued.
After lunch and cake, the kids had about 10 more minutes to skate - nothing could happen in 10 minutes, right? WRONG. In the last 10 minutes, the third little girl whose mom had left the party because I had given her the green light that she'd be just fine, fell forward and landed hard on her knee and had to be carried off the ice because she couldn't walk. When the EMT examined her as her knee began to swell like a balloon, she informed me that we'd better call her mom because she needed to be checked out at the emergency room. I called her mom and she raced over and while another parent stayed with her as I cleaned up the party table, gave out goody bags and made sure no one else fell, the mom arrived, scooped her up and raced her to the doctor.
Thankfully, when I called the mom a few hours later, her daughter was okay - bruised but no broken bones. So after thinking an ice skating party would be a piece of cake, I think next year, it's back to the petting zoo or pony rides...or maybe just plain old pin the tail on the donkey. No more ice skating extravaganzas for us...it's way too stressful and as I learned the hard way - dangerous when the other kids can't really skate and their parents drop them off to run errands.
So you've just given birth and have sent your mom out to the store to pick up some extra onesies since you've already blown through the stash you had before you went into labor - you know those boring snapsuits, they come in white, pale blue, pink and inevitably wind up stained with spit up or the remnants of a diaper explosion. Well now, you can put a dose of humor into your onesie collection, compliments of Wry Baby. The site, offers snapsuits, outfits, toddler tees, gag gifts, buttons and accessories that are sure to make anyone smile the moment their bundle of joy sports a Wry Baby signature item. My personal favorite?I Eat Dirt. I'm also partial to I Eat Paste for pre-schoolers, but either way, it's short, it's simple and it's perfect for the parent with a great sense of style and humor! Wry Baby also offers an exclusive line of outfits at Barney's New York. or to shop online at Wry Baby today, click here and place your order!
My son is all excited to go over our friends tonight for a party. But he's confused St. Patrick's Day with "Patrick's Day." Seems that Dylan thinks we're going over to the neighbors to celebrate Sponge Bob's ambigously gay friend's birthday.
I confess. I enjoy working from home two days a week. I also enjoy raiding the pantry and finding bad kiddy snacks when that 4pm hunger pang inevitably sets in. Sure I could grab a rice cake. But that would be too boring. Who needs that when I can have an entire bag full of welch's fruit snacks, or a box of nutter butter cookies or handful of m&m's from a goody bag with some extra candy lying around the bottom of that plastic spongebob bag. I know - it's not good to be a nosher. In the course of a year, I'll probably add another 10 pounds with my senseless noshing, but sometimes, a kiddy snack is the only thing I crave.
Who doesn't love a devil dog when you're really feeling like you've hit a creative brick wall? And twinkies - sure they're made of paint or plastic or some weird rock that I remember reading about in the New York Times magazine, but dammit, it's good! Even when I pour my kids their cereal in the morning and one of them tells me they didn't want the Corn Pops, they would rather have the Cocoa Krispies, I gladly change their order and slurp up their leftovers.
Yes, I'm a kiddy snacker and I'm not ashamed to admit it. Now if only my kids wouldn't give me a hard time when their last piece of bazooka Joe's goes missing, I'll be able to continue with my secret snacking mission and escape undetected. Oops, I guess if they know how to find my blog, then the jig is officially up.
I just had the pleasure of speaking with Sue Fabisch - a hilarious singer/songwriter who is well on her way to superstardom and you can help her get there! Vote for this hilarious video in the CMT funny mom video competition!!!
This is like American Idol but for moms...so vote for Sue today and make her famous!
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