July 2007 | Advice for Busy Moms | Rolemommy
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July 2007

Where's the Little F**ker Gone?

If you?ve read some of my other blogs, you?ll know about my aversion to kids movies and my desire to have Benny side-step the Nemo/Cars/Ratatouille phase and move straight onto enjoying the kind of movies which I enjoy ? from chick flicks to indies to, one day when he can deal with the loud noises, the Terminator movies.

My plan has been partially successful. Benny does sit through a myriad of films from Volver to The Devil Wears Prada, both at home and at the movie theater (just last night we took him with us to see Sicko). He even seems to enjoy them.

However, he has seen Cars and, I?m sad to say, is rather obsessed with the movie (we now can not leave the house unless we have Benny?s Lightening McQueen, Sally, Mater, and Flo toys in tow). Some might argue it?s like the candy thing. The kids who?re denied it, crave it even more. Which I can see up to a point, but at least Benny does enjoy his green beans (read Volver) too.

But I digress?

Another potential problem with Benny?s more mature movie watching is the language. Some people might not consider the movies we watch appropriate for three year old Benny. We don?t watch anything violent or scary, but so far we haven?t censored films in terms of there ?adult? language. I once wrote a blog about Benny seeing a poster for ?A Squid and A Whale? and calling out ?Fuck, fuck, fuck? as he remembered the scene in the movie where Jeff Bridges plays ping-pong ? rather badly.

The language ?problem? has not gone away since then. Although, these days I?m seeing it less as a problem and more as noteworthy stage in Benny?s language development. And a pretty funny one at that.

The other night, while staying with my in-laws, we all watched the movie, ?Venus.? In one scene, Peter O?Toole is cutting the toenails of his old friend, only to have one rogue toenail ping off and disappear into the abyss of the living room carpet. O?Toole then scrabbles on the ground saying, ?Where?s the little f**ker gone??

We all laughed at the scene. Benny too. But that, it seemed, was that.

But, lo and behold, the next day, we realized that wasn?t that. Brad, Benny and I were traveling back to New York and stopped off at our favorite little café/pub in small town Harrisonburg. During lunch, Benny managed to drop a tater-tot on the floor and before even blinking he shouted out, ?Where?s the little f**ker gone??

Now, perhaps I should be ashamed. Or at least a little worried. After all, does is this a bad sign of things to come? Will Benny become the notorious potty-mouth child that every kid and parent in the park talks about in hushed, shaking-head whispers?

Maybe. But you know what? I?m not ashamed or worried. I?m proud. Proud that my little minx has learnt to swear in the correct context. Not only that he did it in an endearing and rather amusing British accent.

It was a precious parenting moment.

To find out more about our fabulous first time novelist Joanne Rendell, visit her blog at http://www.joannerendell.blogspot.com/.
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Posted in: Blog, Laptop Naptime Mama on 07/28/2007

Great Interactive Site for Girls - Bella Sera

If you have a daughter who is a Webkinz or Club Penguin fanatic, we've just discovered Bella Sera, a brand new interactive site that is sure to have your daughter and her friends buzzing about this wonderful virtual world for horses. When you purchase Bella Sera trading cards, you can visit their website and enter an imaginative, world of beautiful horses. Bella Sera cards can be collected, traded with friends and used to play fun card games. Each horse has a positive message for you to discover. Every card also has an activation code, which you can enter on this website to put your horses online in your very own stable. You can care for your horse by feeding it, training it, brushing it and building up its energy. Once your horse is groomed and fed, you can then take it to Bella Sara?s World where you can play games with your favorite horses. There are castles and forests, beaches and racetracks ? everything a horse and a girl could wish for. So purchase Bella Sera trading cards today - your daughter will be thrilled that you did. To return to Role Mommy, click here.
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Posted in: Blog, Role Mommy Recommends on 07/28/2007

Two Blue Peas

If you're on the lookout for one of a kind products for babies, then pay a visit to Two Blue Peas, a fabulous website creating by two marketing and web wizard moms who have managed to scour the internet for the most adorable products for little ones and have launched a terrific online site that'll make baby gift giving a breeze. From the cutest bibs, to precious outfits to a cozy lamb blanket that I plan to order for a good friend of mine who recently gave birth, you can be sure that when you send a gift from Two Blue Peas or order something for your own little prince or princess, they'll be the best dressed babes on the block. So visit the site today and tell them that Role Mommy sent you! To return to our home page, click here.
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Posted in: Blog, Role Mommy Recommends on 07/28/2007

I Bribe, Therefore I Am

If the Super Nanny ever paid a visit to the Feldman homestead, I think she'd be giving me that old tsk tsk stare when it comes to my parenting style. You see, when my kids work my last nerve or whine to get their way or repeat themselves at least a dozen times asking for the same toy over and over and over again, I pretty much flip off the switch in my brain and enter into bribery mode.
I have found that a good old fashioned cash bribe can ward off everything from nagging, to fighting with siblings to repetitive questioning by a pre-schooler. In fact, just this past weekend, I dangled a five spot in front of my son to prevent him from spilling the beans on a surprise party for a good friend of mine. And guess what? The bribery worked! He kept his trap shut and the surprise went off without a hitch.
Briberies can take on many forms. I've been known to bribe my kids with ice cream, gummy worms, and if I'm really under duress, the dreaded Webkinz. If it means a little reward for good behavior will translate into a relaxing home environment, I say, what's the big deal? People get bonuses at work. Why shouldn't our kids get bonuses when they do the right thing?
Now while it seems my kids are destined for a lifetime of bratty behavior with my bribery tactics, I say my ingenious reward system is achieving quite the contrary. My kids know full well that bad behavior will not be rewarded but if they both participate in a "see who is quiet the longest" contest, the payoff might just be a trip to the supermarket where they can each select their favorite box of cereal that comes complete with a junky toy they'll both treasure for at least the next hour or two.
If they've really abided by the rules of the day, they may even earn themselves a trip to the local amusement park or if they're really lucky, they'll get a shopping jaunt at Toys R Us. So if Jo Frost came and observed my parenting skills, would I fail miserably with these ruthless bribery tactics? Probably, but all I can say is if the house is quiet, no one is fighting and they've put away all their toys, what's a little tchotchke or piece of candy to make their day...and mine.
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Posted in: Blog, Role Mommy Confessions on 07/24/2007

Next Book Event....Thursday, July 26 at Let's Dish!

If you're in the Westchester area on Thursday, July 26 then I have a fun event for you to attend - and make sure to bring your girlfriends! Join me at 7 pm at Let's Dish - a fabulous place located at 450 Central Avenue where you can literally prepare gourmet meals for your family! I will be on hand for a Peeing in Peace book signing and dish session where you'll be able to prepare delicious meals in a matter of minutes, enjoy great conversation and get some resourceful tips on balancing your busy life.

ABOUT LET'S DISH:
Imagine making nutritious, restaurant-caliber meals your family loves ? with no trips to the grocery store, no time-consuming preparations, and no messy clean-up ? all for LESS per serving than it costs to buy take-out or fast food. Oh, did we mention you can do it in less than two hours? Let's Dish! is an innovative store where you can make (or pick up) family-friendly dishes designed to be frozen and cooked when you need them. Unlike frozen food from the grocery aisle, these dishes taste fresh and homemade ? because they are.

For more information about the delectable meals offered at Let's Dish, visit their website at http://www.letsdish.com/. Or to call and reserve a space right now, call them at 914-722-MEAL (6325). To find out more about this fabulous company, listen to our Role Mommy on the Run podcast with Therese Hunersen, owner of the Scarsdale location.
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Posted in: Blog, Peeing in Peace on 07/15/2007

NEW EVENT - BOOK SIGNING & CHAT SESSION AT LET'S DISH ON JULY 26

If you're in the Westchester area on Thursday, July 26 then I have a fun event for you to attend - and make sure to bring your girlfriends! Join me at 7 pm at Let's Dish - a fabulous place located at 450 Central Avenue where you can literally prepare gourmet meals for your family! I will be on hand for a Peeing in Peace book signing and dish session where you'll be able to prepare delicious meals in a matter of minutes, enjoy great conversation and get some resourceful tips on balancing your busy life.
ABOUT LET'S DISH:
Imagine making nutritious, restaurant-caliber meals your family loves ? with no trips to the grocery store, no time-consuming preparations, and no messy clean-up ? all for LESS per serving than it costs to buy take-out or fast food. Oh, did we mention you can do it in less than two hours? Let's Dish! is an innovative store where you can make (or pick up) family-friendly dishes designed to be frozen and cooked when you need them. Unlike frozen food from the grocery aisle, these dishes taste fresh and homemade ? because they are.
For more information about the delectable meals offered at Let's Dish, visit their website at http://www.letsdish.com/. Or to call and reserve a space right now, call them at 914-722-MEAL (6325). To find out more about this fabulous company, listen to our Role Mommy on the Run podcast with Therese Hunersen, owner of the Scarsdale location.
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Posted in: Events on 07/15/2007

Batteries Not Included

Can someone tell me the name of the person who invented batteries so I can personally send a letter to their family (since I know he's long gone by now) about how much I can't stand using them? It's bad enough when your child gets a toy for their birthday and the box mentions in fine print that batteries are not included and the person who purchased the gift failed to include those magical metal ingredients. And so, you're left with a kid who is super excited to try out his 5 foot tall remote control robot but all he can do is stare at it and pretend it works.
Here's the problem - it's not like I have C batteries, and D's and 1.5 volts and triple A's at my disposal. AA's? Sure, I have em - but that's because they're a staple item, like ketchup. But once you get those toys that take 39 batteries to power them up, we're pretty much up a creek without a paddle. While plenty of their double A toys are running smooth as silk and we even change the duracells from time to time, unfortunately, the complicated projects that require more juice usually wind up on a shelf collecting dust. Sure my son is excited for the moment about playing with his super duper action hero that can walk, fly and speak six languages, but let five minutes pass after I've told him we don't have batteries and he'll drop the gadget like a hot tamale and grab his Nintendo or hit the computer.
So the moral of my battery tirade is this - from here on out toymakers - make sure your toys are made with rechargeable batteries that are included in the box along with a charger. That way, your brilliant creation will get more play time with my impatient kindergartener. Not that I want to put the battery folks out of business, but who has time to find batteries, insert them with microscopic screwdrivers and then replace them once they've gone dead. Certainly not me...that's my kids - gotta run before they come at me with a toy that needs a triple C.

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Posted in: Blog, Role Mommy Confessions on 07/14/2007

Potty Humor

"Mommy, why is my tushy called a tushy?" asks my inquisitive five-year old.
"It's called a tushy because that's what it is." I reply, hoping that'll end the conversation.
"But mommy, my tushy isn't a she."
"You are absolutely right."
"I know. My tushy is actually a tush he!"
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Posted in: Blog, Kiddy Commentary on 07/12/2007

Soap Gets in Your Eyes by Joanne Rendell


There are times, as a parent, when something happens which you knew was going to, but you acted that fraction of a second too late to prevent it. Like the times, when you see your little darling using a toy truck as a footstool and you open your mouth to shout ?Be careful? just that millisecond too late and watch in horror as the toy truck skids away and darling one thuds, knees-first, to the ground.

Or the times, when you see a bowl of cheerios teetering on the side of the table and think to yourself, ?Now, if junior runs past that now, it?s going to fall.? Only to have junior run past, knock the cheerios flying, just as the thought finishes forming in your mind.

We?ve all been there. We?ve all said, ?I knew that was going to happen? as we nurse a grazed knee, pick up the pieces of a once-prized toy truck, or mop up spilt milky-cheerio mush.

There are also times, as a parent, where something happens which you just never saw coming. But as soon as it happens, you slap your head, mortified by your own stupidity, and say, ?Sh*t. Of course!?

This happened to me yesterday. One of those ?Sh*t. Of course? moments.

We have a small cabin in the Catskills. Sounds idyllic and rather frou-frou, no? The reality is rather different. Although we love our ?shack? ? our own term of endearment for our summer vacation spot ? the place is rather primitive. So primitive, in fact, that we have to buy day passes at a nearby campsite so we can access hot showers and thus stay clean while we?re staying at the cabin.

Last summer, we used a kiddie pool to bathe Benny, figuring he was too young for taking a shower. This year, however, we decided he was old enough to give the showers a whirl. So yesterday, armed with towels, shampoo, and big bar of soap, Benny and I took our first campsite shower.

At first, everything went swimmingly. The water was warm, the showers were clean, and Benny was in a good, open-to-something-new, mood. I showered first and then when it was Benny?s turn, he let me soap him and even let me, very briefly, dunk his hair under the hot water.

The trouble started when I was busy shampooing his hair and, for a distraction, I handed over the bar of soap and gaily instructed Benny to ?Go ahead?wash your belly.? Manhandling the slippery soap was a lot of fun, until Benny reached up to rub his dripping face.

I just didn?t see it coming. The soapy eye rub followed by heart-stopping, lung-emptying wail, I mean.

But as soon as it happened, and in the minutes which followed as poor little red-eyed Benny howled his way through the searing sting in his eyes, I thought ?Sh*t. Of course.?

When you hand a three year old a bar of soap, you should warn them about the possibility of soap burn. If you want them to ever to take a shower again, that is. And if you?d like to leave a serene campsite without everyone thinking you were strangling your child in the shower stall.

I suppose it?s just another lesson at the University of Parenting. One, incidentally, I won't be forgetting too soon.

To find out more about our fabulous first time novelist Joanne Rendell, visit her blog at http://www.joannerendell.blogspot.com/.
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Posted in: Blog, Laptop Naptime Mama on 07/12/2007

An Interview with Best-Selling Author Jane Green


I recently had the chance to interview one of my all-time favorite authors, Jane Green, whose new book Second Chance was just released in book stores and is already flying off the shelves! Jane shares her story of how she took a leap of faith and ditched her full-time job to become a novelist. So if you're toying with the idea of pursuing an individual passion, then get ready to be be inspired by this best-selling author and mom of four!

Q. You've been writing for over a decade - how were you able to make the transition from the workforce to full time author?
A. Sheer nerve. I left my job at the Daily Express in London and gave myself three months to write a book AND get myself a publishing deal. Absurd, in hindsight, and yet I did it. I wrote Straight Talking in six weeks, then signed a deal after a bidding war for far more money than I was earning, and I knew then that I wouldn't have to go back to an office job.

Q. So many mothers these days write about their lives both online and in books - yet your novels truly speak to the generation of thirtysomething women trying to balance their hectic lives and still be good parents. Have you personally faced some of the experiences you touch upon in your books and how hard is it to keep your personal life truly personal?
A. I write about real life, and the experiences that I have, that my friends have. When I first started I was single and in my late twenties, and now, twelve years on, I've had four children, been married, divorced, found happiness again, dealt with loss, and run the full gamut of life, all of which has found its way into my novels. I never write about my own life specifically, but always draw upon my experiences for inspiration, and I've certainly lived through some of the things I've written about. I always aim for emotional honesty, and it's very difficult to portray that accurately unless you've either been through something yourself, or have the ability to truly empathise with others who have lived it. I suspect that I could keep my life very personal, and in some respects I do, but I have never minded using my life in my work, and my private life is still private. I think perhaps where I draw the line is in choosing to be very cautious about who I share my life with - I have a very small circle of friends who I trust implicitly and absolutely, and beyond that everyone else is a good acquaintance.

Q. How disciplined are you as a writer? Do you shut the computer down after a certain time of the evening - do the kids let you "write in peace?" or do you steal away times throughout your busy day to dive into your next book project?
A. I have to be enormously disciplined these days or my books would never get written - there are always numerous distractions: gardens to be weeded, bills to be paid, websites to be surfed. I now leave the house and go to the local library to write - I like the routine of going to the same place every day and hiding away, yet being 'in the world'. Writing can be so solitary, but to write about the real world you need to live in it, and be amongst people as much as possible.

Q. Out of all the books you have written, which has been your favorite and why?
A. It's always the last one I've written, so right now I would have to say Second Chance. It's also one of the most personal for me - I wrote it initially after I lost a friend in the Tsunami, and then as my marriage was unravelling, and the very process of writing enabled me to sort through my own feelings about my life and my marriage, so it was enormously cathartic.

Q. Have you ever worked on more than one book project in a year? How do you decide your next project or do you work with your editors on the concept first and then deliver a finished product?
A. It would be so easy for me to have more than one book at a time, but I honestly think I would end up with nothing. I write one at a time, and although the inspiration for the next usually comes towards the end of writing, I never start until I'm actually finished.

Q. Tell us about how you first broke into the publishing world - how were you able to find an agent and land a book deal and what is your advice for first time authors trying to break into the business?
A. I would say persistence and resilience. The first agent I wrote to wrote back saying my work was 'frankly unpublishable.' Nine bestsellers later I have to say I'm not sure she was right. I was very lucky. I wrote the right book at the right time, and feel enormously blessed to have had continued success, but the best advice I could give would be to write the book you want to write, not the book you think will sell, and don't let one person's opinion put you off.

Q. What is your advice to women who are currently stuck in one job but have a burning desire to do something else? How do you take that leap of faith without knowing if rejection awaits you on the other side of the exit door?
A. It is so very hard to advise others. I have always been frighteningly impulsive - I tend to leap long before I look, and have always had the ability to trust that it will all turn out okay. If I had to give advice I would say if it truly is a passion, you have to follow it, even if it means doing the due diligence and starting it slowly while you're still supporting yourself elsewhere. My experience with people who have followed their heart is that it always takes them in the right direction.

Q. Who are some of your favorite authors and aside from your own books of course, what are your suggestions for great summer reads?
A. I'm reading The Whole World Over by Julia Glass which I'm halfway through and LOVING. Also reading Michael Tolliver Lives by Armistead Maupin, although it's taken a backseat to the Julia Glass. If you haven't read The Glass Castle by Jeanette Walls, do. (seems to be a glass theme here...) Not only is it a stunning, funny, poignant book, I met her very briefly at an event recently, and think she is just the most beautiful person, both inside and out.

Q. Do you think your own children may one day follow in your footsteps? If so, what would be your advice to them?
A. Oh, I think probably not, although my five year old daughter does spend an inordinate amount of time 'writing' books. If they did become writers I'd be thrilled, and I would advise them to keep their computers safely locked away somewhere and not, like their mother, in the bedroom where children can pour pink lemonade all over it and cover it in black sharpie.

Q. Do you have any upcoming book projects in the works? If so, can you give us a sneak peek?
A. I have a yearning to write a mystery which I think will be my next project. Still very much my voice, but more of a storyline, and set again, I think, in my fictitious town of Highfield, CT. I may even revisit a couple of characters from previous books - I think Alice and Harry may pop up in this one.

To read our review of Jane Green's latest best-seller Second Chance, Click Here or to go straight to Amazon and purchase a copy, then Click Here!
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Posted in: Blog, Moms of Reinvention on 07/05/2007

Older Entries

07/04/2007: A REVOLUTIONARY WAY TO LOSE WEIGHT! DIET TELEVISION

07/02/2007: Fanny Packs & Sticky Buns

07/01/2007: Second Chance by Jane Green

07/01/2007: Say Cheese

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